The Bible According to Children

[MORTARDUDE]

The Bible According to Children

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)... Enjoy!
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* In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

* Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

* Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

* The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

* Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

* Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

* The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

* The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

* Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

* The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

* David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

* Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

* When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

* When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

* Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

* Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."

* It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

* The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

* One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

* St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

* Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.