Old Men's Military

[Boats]

Got this from a friend of mine - thought you'd like it. It may have been around for awhile - but I never saw it until today.


Subject: Fw: OLD MEN'S MILLITARY

(Think about it) an "Old Men's Military"

If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington DC.

But, I'm 50++ now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists.
You can't be older than 35 to join the military.

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.
You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35 or maybe 55.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission.
"My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!"
"Where's the remote control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guy?s get up early every morning to pee.

If old guy?s are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. On second thought I still remember my service number............ I was in the Corps wasn't I?

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, particularly those of us who are married.

And we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles and know the difference.

We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however.

I've been in combat and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups in a combat situation.

I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."

And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.

He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out.

He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.

All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a few million old farts with attitudes.

Share this with your senior friends

[Stick]

This IS a letter to all recruiters isn't it?
Where do I go? BUT..... I ain't admiting to any of that "Senior" crap.

[sn-e3]

Hell sign me up too shooting ragheads for God sounds like a job i could do since the hunting seasons are so short here. lets see if I got this right the enemy is the guys who wear table cloths for turbins and bow toward the east a few times a day. that would be a good time to take them out one shot with multiple entry and exit points yup hit them when they are on there knees.

[1CAVCCO15MED]

Tennessee has something called The Tennessee State Guard. they kind of man the armories when the untis are called up. It is voluntary and you get a uniform and you are an officer. A guy approached me about it. Still thinking but it would be tough.

[catman]

Doc...alot of ghosts there.

Trav

[SuperScout]

Hell's bells - I'm ready to sign up again! Been volunteering for stuff since 1963. There may be a great need to augment the supply system, by adding "Depends" and "Ensure" to the list of consumable items.

[b3196]

Don't forget to add Melba toast, warm milk ....Oh yeah.....some Viagra......Who knows, I might just wanna bone a rag head (female type)
bOOger

Think maybe these days they could come up with pound cake that doesn't require a jackhammer?

[SuperScout]

Lucky us, the pound cake we got from the Charlie Rats was usually pretty good! I tried to safeside what I could, and then use it as a birthday cake for my troops. There were some vines in RVN that burned like a small candle. When I knew of one of my troos b-days, I'd open up a can of pound cake, break off a little piece of that vine, get it lit, and wish the lucky guy a happy b-day! Usually, just very quiet singing!!

boGGer: some good suggestions! Except for the warm milk.

[Robert Ryan]

Yeah but I sure don't want have to fo back to Basic again. I wouldn't survive it, sure wouldn't pass the PT test we took back in 67 the horizantal ladders, low crawl, grenade toss, and 2 mile run. Could probably do one ladder, half a low crawl, good grnade toss, possibly run two feet than walk the rest, or should I saw crawl the rest. Like what you did for your troops Super Scout.