One for the Navy Boys and Girls!

[Dragon Lady]

Check it out...it gonna start happening around our house soon I fear!



http://www.uss-rangerguy.com/Simulate_life.htm

[MarineAO]

Thanks for the laugh D/L needed it today!!!!!

[zuni_rocket]

Good Laff!

[reconeil]

Still, and even if having all the soap-on-a-rope REQUIRED,...the listing certainly makes me glad that I was never an: "Anchor Cranker". Can't see what my Godson or any other career-swabie loves about it. Hey. "Different strokes for different folks".

Neil

[MarineAO]

My Brother was a career bubble-head (submariner) How those boys could go under water for three months at a time is beyond Me.

[b3196]

Good 1
Bob K

[Seascamp]

A few additions if I may.

Mildew smell, must have the mildew smell at all times and in all places.

All cotton clothing or leather must grow a green moss beard, the longer the better.

Country western music must be played in all compartments (rooms) at all times. Has to be somebody done someone some dirt kind of theme. ?You picked a fine time to leave me Lucile? would be an excellent choice.

Must be from Texas, claim to be from Texas, want to go to Texas or say nothing at all. Never claim to be from California under any circumstances. Disavow any knowledge of the State.

There must be very loud FSN?s (funny sounding noises) at irregular intervals. The source of these noises must never be located or speculated about. Don?t want to tempt the devil ya see.

Pipes must leak, there must be drips of bunker oil, LP steam, seawater, fresh water, etc. somewhere at all times. To do otherwise is to invite an unnatural state of things and this is to be avoided.

Seagulls are to be discussed in the most vile and foul language, only. They are the enemy of all mankind and should be treated accordingly.

Select the most mentally challenged and put them in charge of the most volatile and explosive material aboard.

Select the most mentally able and assign them the rude name for female genitals and always suspect their sexual orientation and so state, continuously.

Place five tons of high explosives in the basement. The person in charge of the explosives must have ?visions? and talk continuously no one in particular.

Select two crotchety, feisty, sour, dour old Guys. Call one the Boatswain, the other the Chief Master At Arms. Avoid them at all costs; try to be invisible in their presence. Feign ignorance of all known things if they should address you.

Dislike Marines even if there is no reason to do so.

Select a toilet (thunder mug) and call it the aft head. Set the thunder mug on springs and connect the assembly to a motor driven eccentric weight. A proper Sailor will not hold on while seated nor will he be pitched off. To do otherwise is un Seaman like behavior and will be duly noted.

Miscreant Sailors are to wear a somewhat ripe but plucked chicken around their neck. Upon command ?Sailor, kiss your chicken and apologize?, the Sailor will duly respond. To do otherwise will be un Seaman like behavior and will be duly noted.

Line Officers are known to be extraterrestrial androids. Due care must be exercised to avoid their gamma force field. Mustang Officers, Warrants and career Sailors are to be regarded as Sailors who, through no fault of their own, became affected by the gamma force field and are to be assisted at all times. To do otherwise is un Seaman like behavior and will be duly noted.

Set cross braces at the top and bottom of each doorway (hatch) such that there is only four or so ft. of clearance. The cross braces must be made of the hardest material known to man. Bruises, cuts or abrasions on a Sailor?s forehead, scalp or shins are a sign of un Seaman like behavior and will be duly noted.

It must be recognized that the Confederate Stars and Bars represent the real but unrecognized flag of the USN. This flag must hang on the inside of each enclosed Gun mount. A proper Gunner is from Texas, Alabama, Georgia, the Carolinas, Mississippi, etc., or so claim. To do otherwise is un Seaman like behavior and will be duly noted.

If a conspiracy theory does not exist, a proper Sailor will invent one. Alas, the evil one; the ?phantom shiter?, will soon be transferred aboard and due care must be exercised when stepping through hatchways. To do otherwise is un Seaman like behavior and will be duly noted.

Scamp

[MarineAO]

Select the most mentally challenged and put them in charge of the most volatile and explosive material aboard.


Place five tons of high explosives in the basement. The person in charge of the explosives must have ?visions? and talk continuously no one in particular.


Dislike Marines even if there is no reason to do so.

I've been that Marine in charge of the most volatile and explosive material's abord.

I've talked to MY high explosives and there is nothing wrong with having them in the basement.

Be careful not to piss off Marines ( see the two reasons above)!!!

[Timothy R. Kuhr]

Mildew?
Musta been a combat ship. For the transport type (USNS Upshur comes to mind) the prevailing odor must be puke.
Assign the only jr. nco who hasn't puked to keep the scuttlebutts and heads empty and clean - give him four pvts. who have extremely weak stomachs.
Find a canoe paddle and place a large cardboard box in the middle of the driveway - loudly announce that you have captured a "seabat" and wait for dumb jarheads and G.I.s to show up.
Get used to being disliked by dumb jarheads and G.I.s.
Notify sick-bay that dumb jarheads and G.I.s will be attempting calesthetics on the highest deck at the first sign of rough seas. Sell tickets.

[Seascamp]

Yes, surface combat ships. However, we could get some barf smells going once in a while if we got into heavy seas. I never figured out why Sailors barfed into the scuttlebutt. Seems to me that the deck was more convenient but maybe it was the intrinsic fear of the Boatswain. After all, he had total ownership of all decks and woe be onto anyone who messed up the decks, double Aarrgg and yikes. Anything but reap the ire of the Boatswain as that was mighty, mighty bad juju for certain and few survived without severe trauma to ones ego and self-worth. :ek:


Neptune was kind to this Sailor and never got on a troop transport ship but did have a brief stint on an AKA, (Amphibious Cargo Attack) and that was close enough for me, boy howdy. But it was somewhat common to ask a Marine if they had any relative bearing oil or a skyhook or something along those lines. Important stuff to have on hand, for sure.

Scamp