Believe It Or Not

[HARDCORE]

I finally met a critter that proved to be far more dangerous than even ?Saddam the Slimy!? For those of you who have sat glued to your chairs watching some of those wild-ass police chases that pop up every now and then on the tube, this one takes the checkered flag!

Northern California was the scene of one of the most bazaar chases in the history of police work. ?Hell, even our constabulary friend Wazza, would have to shake his head on this one!?

A Fortuna man was just ?slammed into the slammer? for a stunt he pulled off recently - ?one that truly endangered life and limb!? It seems that this dude, pissed-off over being arrested earlier this week for driving with a suspended license while on probation, decided to retaliate! Upon arriving back home, he mounted yet another vehicle and then drove through town, flipping the finger at every cop he passed! ?This went on until officers (three car loads), finally managed to pull him over!?

?So what?s the big deal,? says you? ?This has happened before, probably many times!? Well, it seems that our fleeing felon was astride a riding lawn-mower and reached break-neck speeds of almost 5 miles an hour!

?When this guy finally gets out of jail, he will be ready for Indy or Daytona!!?

VERITAS

[reconeil]

Far from a Defense Attorney (both realistically and mentally), and not being familiar with the grass growing seasons of California my Friend,...given the circumstances, I believe I have a good defense for that one-helluva-weird-yokel.

All he has to do is convince a few people that he was merely trying to inform everyone that it was time to fertilize their grass with #1 and/or Scott's Halts (combo fertilizer and crab grass killer). Also, a little note from Scotts,...couldn't hurt either.

Please forgive me for taking such nonsense so seriously. But, grass is my life. In fact, If not for grass, I see no reason for my being. I've been cutting that shit since I was big enough to push a lawnmover,...and I'll be cutting that shit till the day I die.
Hell, I just thought of it. Even after death I'll be under that shit.

Neil