I like Christmas, but...

[GoldenDragon]

It's not an easy time of year.

For those suffering with PTSD, the people, crowds, noise and the necessary invasion of "our" space can be hell.

Every year does seem to get easier, but not without constant work and progress. With two small kids, I need to be at my best.

I have a real problem with Christmas carols. For years I didn't realize why until I had been in treatment. I like Christmas music, I think it is some of the most beautiful music made. At times it doesn't bother me at all. Then there are "those" times.

The human brain is a wonderful and complex organ. It stores things in deep, inaccessible recesses it creates.

Christmas of 1966. Col. Chavis issued orders to move as many men as possible back to base camp. I was one of the lucky ones for a change. I had been in the bush this time for just over 3 months.

We arrived back at Pleiku and started kicking back and drinking. Durrett had the Supremes cranked up on a 78 his mother had sent him.

We hadn't been there an hour when Sgt. Harris came in and said "Everybody to the heli-pad, Charlie company just got hit hard. They need back-up.

Right back to where we just came from. We grabbed our un-packed stuff and jogged to the heli-pad. The choppers were warmed and waiting.
As soon as we lifted off the pilot started playing Christmas carols at top volume over the inside and outside speakers. You could hear them above the noise a Huey without doors always makes.
The two pilots were carrying on back and forth and constantly joking with each other. I finally realized they were both drunk as hoot owls or high as hell.
No big thing. Not the first time........... F... Christmas.

"Jingle bells, mortar shells

VC in the grass, take your Merry Christmas

and shove it up your a.....

To this day 36 years later, at times when I hear Christmas carols, I find myself back in that damned chopper.

Sometimes, no matter how hard I try to stop them, tears slide down my cheeks. Like right now. I can hardly see the keyboard.

But, the best thing. I have finally learned it will pass. It's not even painful. I just get so empty feeling and an almost overwhelming sense of sadness. As soon as I allow the ghostly faces to drift into my consciousness and address each old friend individually and personally, it will begin to ease. It always does.

I think it's just a deep, created recess of my brain saying "Merry Christmas, I'll never forget you guys."

Now I can tell the living Merry Christmas. First things first.

[janecallanan]

Merry Christmas to the Golden dragon. I'm glad you're here.

[nang]

We do appreciate everything you went through. But now it is time for you to enjoy life. Instead of those commerical X-mas songs, how about "Oh Holy night..." I can never listen to that all the way through without a tear forming. Jesus is the reason for the season. Thank you for everything you have done for our country.

[SEATJERKER]

...three weeks ago was my bad time, and for each of us, it rolls around like clockwork...

...the imeadiate stressors, by timing, or circumstance hit the hardest,...

...We're here for you, as you have been there for all...

......You know,... they might have said that WW II Vet's were the greatest generation, but not in my book, You guy's payed a much higher price for your ride...

...My friend from the rod, and gun club just calls it............... "HAPPY FU*KIN' GRADUATION"...

...I hope you find some inner comfort, and I'll say a few prayers for you

...My wife says that it was God's way of watching over you

...

...

[masher51]

I came home from Nam on Dec 5th ,1970.It should have been the best Christmas ever.But, it was the saddest one of all for me because I had left my brothers in Nam & I felt like a deserter.
Oh I know what some might say,but, we were tight and I
knew they were still out humping the boonies.I later found
out that 3 weeks after I left,,,My platoon got hit hard and
not all the guys made it out.GD i know what your feeling bro
and my eyes are a little damp too.
To our brothers who never made it home I honor their
memory on this Christmas season and say "WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU"
Rest easy my brothers
masher

[1CAVCCO15MED]

I just focus on everyone else. I keep a lump in my throat most of the holidays. They really don't know ho hard it is. It is doubly hard this year with the son being dead and all. Shirley is really having it hard. I haven't had to carry her before.

[Tina]

I have alot of respect for you and I am very thankful forever think you have done for us..
You have a very Merry Christmas do it for yourself and for your kids..
love ya
Your friend and God Bless,
Tina

[nang]

Originally posted by 1CAVCCO15MED
I just focus on everyone else. I keep a lump in my throat most of the holidays. They really don't know ho hard it is. It is doubly hard this year with the son being dead and all. Shirley is really having it hard. I haven't had to carry her before.

That's about all you can do. That's got to be terrible for you and your wife. God Bless you.

[DMZ-LT]

Fred , you know I'll hump as much of that ruck as you will let me. Got both my daughters home and I got that lump a lot today . Any one else carry a boot knife to your wife's family christmas dinner ?

[1CAVCCO15MED]

Thanks John and Nang

We do have good families. They have been fantastic to us during all this. We just pretend and keep on trucking. I've heard if you keep doing the things like you used to it will get better over time. I think if we can get through the holidays and the first anniversary of the accident (Feb) we will be OK.