Howard?????

[82Rigger]

An Oklahoma farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm and
knocked at the farmhouse door.

A young boy about 12 opened the door.

"Is yer Dad home?" the farmer asked.

"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went inta town."

"Well, said the farmer, is yer Mom here?"
"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went inta town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"He went with me Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the
other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I knows where
all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a
message fer Dad."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer Dad.
It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You'd hafta talk to Pa about that",
he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for
the bull and $25 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer
Howard."

[sn-e3]

Man Steve you had me rolling on the floor with that one.

[Jerry D]

That last one was hilarious thanks Steve here is one for ya'

BAPTIZING A DRUNK

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes
upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into
the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of
alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls
him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer; dunks him into the water
again for a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the
water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk
in the water again--- but this time holds him down for about 60
seconds and when he begins kicking his legs and flailing his arms, he
pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk,"For the love
of God, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the
preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in ?

[Keith_Hixson]

Unless you get my permission!

Keith

[Jumper208]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you"


She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."


"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."


The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.


"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

[Keith_Hixson]

Whatever!

Keith

[revwardoc]

A traveling salesman is on the road and his car breaks down just a storm breaks. The nearest shelter is a solitary farmhouse about a mile down the road.

The salesman knocks on the door and the farmer opens it to him.

"Excuse me", says the salesman, "My car broke down and I won't be able to get a tow until morning. Could you put me up for the night?"

The farmer says, "Well, okay, but you'll have to share a bed with my son."

The salesman steps off the porch and says, "Forget it. I must be in the wrong joke!"