Closeure,...

[SEATJERKER]

...24/6,... almost 24 years 6 months ago I went to a gunfight without a gun, I won, but I lost,...

...Closeure

...for me there isn't any, for most of you, you left it behind when you left "in country", but I can't leave the way you all did, there has been no acceptence,(other then here), from the powers that be, and my restlessness, and has compounded itself, and continues to do so,...

...tomorrow the DAV will offically install me at the officers installation dinner as Jr. Vice Commander of Chapter #38, and yet, the United States Air Force refuses to accept the evidence of my participation at "the Natchitoches Christmas Light festival 01 Dec 79",...

...I have just about given up on ever finding any direct witnesses after all this time, and of all the evidence I have presented to prove my case through the AFBCMR, even with the letters from the police chief himself, it has just been shelved, so now I have what I consider to be my last C+P exam on Monday, after bailing out on the one last week(when my walls close in, they close tight), so here I sit, and ponder clousure, and how to find it,...

...I found great comfort with the trip to Georgia, and it helped to be in the same "room" with some of the greatest men I have ever known, but here at "home", the situation never changes, my wife has been as understanding as anyone could be, but will never understand the horrors of that night, I hear a thousand screams every night, and one lone infant's , his accomplice blows my head off every night, and I ache every morning as my grip on his wrists is ever present, I cannot remove the blood, and flesh from my face, nor the piss from my memory no matter how many times I wash, my teeth break on regular intervals due to gritting/grinding in my sleep, so its off to the dentist again, and again, I have to walk these streets, and these streets are the same as those, I cannot leave my "in country" for my "in country" is this country,...

...I don't know how vent other then here, so trying to "keep movin' is diffucult, but 24/6 is upon me in 10 days, and 25 years flat is approaching even sooner, 25 years of the same shi+ night, after night has worn me thin,...

...thank you for your support, do I feel better, hell no, but, this is who I am,...

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