some jokes

[MORTARDUDE]

What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity


What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.


What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.


Why is it so hard to find men who are caring, kind, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.


What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.


What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase
cars they have no intention of driving.


What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
Bingo machine.


What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex, too.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"



What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

What's the difference between a Northern fairytale
and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this crap."

[darrels joy]

Towards the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.


All of a sudden.....POOF!! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?

Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life: better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life......



As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!!!

Then POOF!......she was gone!

After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, ?Fred, where are you?"

Fred yells back "I'm over here in the pussy willows."

Dave shouts back, "DON'T SWING, Fred, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!"

[Jerry D]

ROFL

[MORTARDUDE]

Joy :

that was a good one ROFLPIMP !!!!

Larry