Military Humor

[HARDCORE]

> *"Aim towards the Enemy"
>
> Instructions printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher
>
>
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>
>
> "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
> **- U.S. Marine Corps
>
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>
>
> "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed
> always to hit the ground."
>
>
> - USAF Ammo Troop
>
>
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>
>
> "If the Enemy is in range, so are you."
>
>
> - Infantry Journal
>
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>
> "It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you just bombed"
>
>
> - U.S. Air Force Manual
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>
> "Whoever said the pen is mightier then the sword obviously never encountered
> automatic weapons."
>
>
> - General MacArthur
>
>
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> "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
>
>
> - Infantry Journal
>
>
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>
>
> "You, you, and you. Panic. The rest of you come with me."
>
>
> - U.S. Marine Gunnery Sgt. (Mgysgt5)
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "Tracers work both ways."
>
>
> - U.S. Army Ordnance
>
>
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>
>
> "Five second fuses only last three seconds"
>
>
> - Infantry Journal
>
>
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>
>
> "Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer
> to do anything."
>
>
> - U.S. Navy Swabbie
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
>
>
> - David Hackworth
>
>
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>
>
> "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
>
>
> - Infantry Journal
>
>
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>
>
> "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
>
>
> - Joe Gay
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."
>
>
> - unknown
>
>
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>
>
> "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
>
>
> - Unknown Marine Recruit
>
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>
>
> "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
>
>
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> "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him and try to keep up."
>
>
> - USAF Ammo Troop
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
>
>
> - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean the submarines
> in the sky."
>
>
> - From an old carrier sailor
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a
> helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough
> power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "Without munitions, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
>
> If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up.... The pilot dies."
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "Never trade luck for skill."
>
>
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>
>
> The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
> "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" And "Oh S...!"
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to complete the flight
> successfully."
>
>
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>
>
> "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we've never left one up there!"
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag to store dead
> batteries."
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your flight to a
>
> person on the ground who is incapable of understanding or doing
>
> anything about it."
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just
>
> barely kill you."
>
>
> - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to
>
> its maximum."
>
>
> - Jon McBride, astronaut
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the
>
> crash as possible."
>
>
> - Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot )
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
>
>
> - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
>
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go
>
> near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the
>
> appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space.
>
> It is much more difficult to fly there."
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> "You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full
>
> power to taxi to the terminal."
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having
>
> torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck
>
> arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?".
>
>
> The pilot's reply, "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
>
>
> - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
>
>
>
> By - Wit and Wisdom from Military Manuals -
>
>
> Source - Flint, Mark*