Forgiveness

[Raggedy Ann]

How many of you that have been in a war feel like this? Not just Vietnam, but any war. It's only natural to feel this way and you are not alone.

FORGIVENESS

I was not prepared for what I saw
Or what I had to do, I was just a naive kid.

They never taught me to use the weapons that my
life depended upon, never prepared me for death except in abstract ways

I did not know about death,
Not until I held a dead friend in my arms
As a youth I hunted but it was just a game
The animals were there for killing, but never a man.

So at eighteen I had seen death, I had caused death, I was evil
No amount of prayers will allow me to forgive me
I was there, I was to blame, I was not ready

For this step into evil and now I find
I cannot step back to innocence.
My youth was lost in Vietnam
I should not have survived , I should not be alive
And I can?t forgive myself for living

[DMZ-LT]

I was prepared , I knew my weapons and I have killed. It was my job to kill the enemy. No forgivness needed. Your next to last sentence is accurate . Lots of us have Survivors Guilt cause of the guys that gave their all for each other and were killed fighting for each other...... and we wern't

[Raggedy Ann]

LT
The reason for this poem was to say that the Vietnam "conflict" (war to me) took away the innocence of the young men and women. Also that a lot of you have Survivors Guilt which is to be expected. And that you are not asking anyone for forgiveness. I know that you were very prepared to do whatever it took to get the job done and those of us that were not fighting the war were very much appreciative of what you were doing. Thanks. RA

[DMZ-LT]

your posts have touched a nerve in me. Tell your husband I said Welcome home !

[b3196]

Thanks RA, and give your husband a big welcome home from me also.
Bob K

[Keith_Hixson]

I had a good friend's husband who was killed in Vietnam just before I got out. That has always bothered me. I didn't even get sent to Nam and my wife's and my good friend's husband is killed. I've struggled with guilt. I saw Glenda this last spring for the first time in several years, and that old guilt thing does pop up once in awhile.

Keith

[39mto39g]

I was prepared , I volunteered for Vietnam, I hated state side Army. War is about people dieing. After you see alot of death you make yourself not look directly at the dead, kinda in the direction but not at. I never understood why most of my friends were getting killed or wounded and all I did was come close a bunch of times, Close counts in horse shoes, hand grenades and war. So I see there faces and my daughter says "Dad who is this picture of" and I tell her the story of a dead friend.
I can't quite telling there stories.

Ron

[Packo]

Ron, et al,

I kinda look at it his way. We survived for a reason. Some of us found that reason and exploited it. Yours, to continue to save people from fires, drownings, all the dangers that befall people in everyday life. BobK, to serve and protect, Keith, to preach God's word, LT, to continue to help people in his work and be a brother to all of us, and me, to try and continue to help guys and now gals, from all wars try and adjust and make their post war lives a little better then we had. Although it isn't a cure and I have SG every day, it helps get me through the day.....that and having someone like Deb to live with.

Ann, thanks so much for your posts. They are always full of meaning and comforting.

Pack

[Stick]

The farmers used to pay us to shoot. Five bucks for a fox so a Twenty-two hollow point could make you bucks. You go into the Army and they give you this 7.62mm thing with a bit more wallop than that 22 and they tell you to scream at the top of your lungs kill, Kill, KILL. They tell you that some of you are going to die and it never registers that you might be one of those "some of you" guys.
Now they ship you half way round the world and they're shooting at you. I was not prepared to shoot back at the window where I saw those tracers coming from. Never was but the tracers stopped coming when I dumped an M-60 belt into that window in the school building and my name ain't on the wall. I knew two guys from the club a couple of days before and I watched them blow up and their names are on the wall. How do you prepare before, and repair that mind after? That's why I'm here and say welcome home to yah'll.
Tip of the day; Every tenth round is a tracer on a belt so if you fire more than ten rounds with a single pull of the trigger the tracer round will show you how to correct your aim and "zero in" your weapon.
If hit by a tracer it's gonna hurt worse than a regular round but don't get in the way of either one. "RA" probably the worst two letters I ever knew of being associated with my name.

[Stick]

OK, I stand corrected by one of our members about the tracer rounds. Old age, doncha know? It seems that the tracer was every fifth round and not the tenth. All I know is that they told everyone where they were being fired from so they worked against both Chuck AND me.