Forgiveness

[SuperScout]

Reading all the above heartfelt posts, I have to wonder (and some say "wander"!) in my own mind if it is a question of survivor's guilt, or gratefully remembering our fallen brothers. For example, I fondly remember Robert Schultz, and his sacrifice for us in Tet '68. If there is a regret of mine that I have about Schultz, it is that I didn't write him up for the Medal of Honor, which he so richly deserved, instead of the Distinguished Service Cross, which he received posthumously. Had it not been for Schultz's actions, more of my Scouts might have been wounded or killed. Who knows what races through a warrior's mind, when he takes that action which he understands full well, simultaneously, that it probably result in his harm if not death, while also knowing that he is protecting and defending his fellow warriors? For certain, it will be one of the questions I ask SSG Robert Schultz when I see him again.

I also believe that we are here on this earth, albeit for a fleeting moment, to be of service to one another. That service can and has taken the form and shape of several occupations for us, and for the most part, we can stand proudly, having performed or still performing that service. I need no guilt about my survival, as guilt ties me to the past, and I strive diligently to live in present moment, and remaining grateful for what I have, while asking for strength from Him to complete those tasks yet before me.

[Raggedy Ann]

Thanks y'all for your comments.

Packo - I try to post poems full of meaning and comfort so I'm glad you enjoy them. I can't even imagine the horror that y'all went through while serving your country in a far away land.

Stick - I won't use "RA" again. From now on it's strickly Raggedy Ann.

[Robert Ryan]

Was pumped up, psyched up, and ready to kill commies for the USA, strange how all that changed after I saw my first dead GI, and had to shot at another human being instead of pop up targets. Strange that attacking the simulated Vietnamese Village at Fort Polk, was not the same as doing it for real in Vietnam, and the fear I felt in Vietnam was not there at Fort Polk. I knew that my M-16 could kill but I didn't know how it would tear human flesh like it was paper. Didn't know that an AK-47 would actually rip a person open like gutting a fish. Why did I become so different after that?

[frisco-kid]

I enlisted in the Army in JAN66 specifically to be a paratrooper. I turned 19 in Basic Training. I also volunteered to go to VN. By the end of JUN66 I had gotten both of my wishes. My MOS [job title] was 11b2p, Airborne Infantryman. Less than 2wks. after arriving in VN, I was sent to my unit, C co, 2/502, 101st Abn. Div.. They were in the Dak To area in the Central Highlands. They had been over-run 3wks. before. 2 days after I got there, I saw my first American KIA.

I always knew what my job description was and what I was expected to do over there. I have never asked for forgiveness for killing anyone over there, nor do I regret it. It was my job.

Nor do I suffer from Survivor's Guilt. I have had people, literally right next to me, killed while I was unscathed. I have mourned for the men that I've seen die; even cried over a couple of them; but deep down, was relieved that it wasn't me. I sometimes wonder why I was spared when others died, but I don't feel guilty about how it played out. I just accept it and, like some others on here, have come to the conclusion that I was saved to go on to do other things in my life. I lived to father two great kids and to help raise them to become fine adults, for example. And we survivors were spared so we could keep the memories alive of those who didn't make it home.

I think that part about losing your youth in VN was true for me. When I came home a year later and hooked up with the friends that I had left behind, it didn't take me long to realize that I no longer had much in common with them. While they were home tinkering on their cars, I could field strip and clean an M-16 or M-60 machinegun without hardly thinking about it. While they cruised El Camino Real in their cars, I rode around in helicoptors while often being shot at. While they were out chasing girls, I was chasing, and being chased by, men for the sole purpose of killing each other. While they were picking up girls, I was picking up body parts of my buddies. While they took a hot shower at home, I washed up in a river, stream, the muddy water in the bottom of a bomb crater, or a monsoon downpour. I reported into Ft. Bragg 3 days early.

Tell your husband "Welcome Home" for me also, Ann.


Proud To Be RA.

[Raggedy Ann]

Frisco

It sounds like you and the others responding to this post and other Vietnam vets knew that you had a job to do and did it to the best of your ability while in Vietnam. And for that I am very grateful. I cannot imagine the terrible things that you had to endure just to survive day to day. No wonder so many of you lost your boyhood so young.

Then when you returned to the states to your family and friends, you had to face people that didn't feel you should have been in Vietnam in the first place. When you were feeling proud to have served your country others were condemning you for doing so.

I am sure that if asked to do it again y'all would step up and do it again. Ok, y'all might be 50ish or 60ish years old but you would still be proud to step up and we would be thankful that you did.

Thank you.

Raggedy Ann

[Robert Ryan]

Yes I would, just to be there for my buddies, mom apple pie, and ice cream would not have anything to do with it this time.