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Old 09-07-2005, 08:15 AM
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SuperScout SuperScout is offline
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Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: Out in the country, near Dripping Springs TX
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Default Fantasy Letter from NO

From the Office of the Mayor, wherever he can be found:

On behalf of my city, I apologize for the many bad decisions which I and others have made over the years which have led to this disaster, and I sincerely thank all those who are working so hard to save us from ourselves.

I apologize for the city fathers who, many years ago, decided to build a major city below sea level without adequate protection. This week we can clearly see the absolute stupidity of that decision.

I apologize for every city administration since then which has issued construction permits to build homes in unsafe areas. Each administration has placed people in jeopardy and is partially responsible for the events of this week.

Most of all I apologize for my actions and those of my current
administration. I had been warned many times about the danger I was subjecting my people to. Yet, I did nothing. I did not improve the levee. I did not have an adequate evacuation plan. I had no plan to get everybody out when the big storm came.
I did not provide transportation for those who needed it. I did not enforce the evacuation of those who could leave. The mere fact that there are still people in New Orleans is my fault. All of the problems you see on TV in New Orleans today resulted from my lack of responsible action.

I also apologize for the irresponsibility of the people of New Orleans. I know that most of those currently stranded in New Orleans could have gotten out, but didn't. Most did not even have a n adequate emergency survival kit. They share the blame with me for not taking responsible action themselves.

I also apologize for the inhumane, criminal actions of my citizens. While I know the bad actions were from a minority of the citizens, there were hundreds, perhaps thousands of very bad thugs looting, shooting, setting fires, raping, and inhibiting the rescue.

This is absolutely abominable behavior. I am ashamed of the actions of these people. I promise that I will do everything possible in the next few weeks to catch and prosecute every one of these criminals. In order to stop these people and facilitate the evacuation, I hereby authorize the police to shoot on site anybody carrying out these activities.

I apologize to the victims of the great disaster outside New Orleans. I realize that New Orleans has required far more resources in this vital time than it should have, and those resource drains are slowing relief efforts to the deserving people in other areas. I cannot imagine how many deaths in Alabama and Mississippi are the indirect result of my failures in New Orleans.

I apologize to the people or the United States. The actions of my people have been an international embarrassment. The words of my people on international TV people have sounded ungrateful. We have disgraced the country, and I am sincerely sorry. I also want to sincerely thank those many people who have come to the rescue of my people. I understand that emergency efforts started even before the storm hit.

The Coast Guard has been here since the beginning, rescuing thousands of those I endangered. The National Guard, Red Cross, Salvation Army, and many others were not far behind. Neighboring states have opened their doors to our refugees.

And now, only three days after the levees broke, massive aid is flooding in. Our government has been efficient. Our nation has been generous. I am exceedingly grateful.

Furthermore, I pledge to not allow this to happen again. We will not rebuild the city until we are sure the safety of its citizens has been properly secured. Until that time, there will be no construction and no habitation, except, possibly, in a few high-ground areas. I understand that the city may never be reconstructed the way it was, since that may not make economic
sense. That is a fact of life, which I will work to try to make the
residents understand.

In conclusion, thank you America for coming to our aid. It is great to be in a country who will help those, like us, who so desperately do not deserve it.
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