You might be a COP if...

[82Rigger]

YOU MIGHT BE A COP IF...

You have the bladder capacity of five people.

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.

Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.

Discussing a shotgun suicide over lunch seems perfectly normal to you.

You can identify a negative "teeth to tattoo" ratio just by looking at a person.

You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.

You call for a "wants and warrants" on personalized license plate that reads STOLEN.

You believe a permit should be required to reproduce.

While on duty you would never DARE utter the words "Boy, it sure is quiet around here."

Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than a computer can track.

You believe chocolate is a food group.

You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide...getting it right the first time."

You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a valid jury verdict.

You have ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.

You believe that your dispatcher is a shit magnet who is possessed by a demon.

You think caffeine should be available in an IV.

When you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food group.

You believe that the back of your patrol car should be provided with a valium saltlick.

You believe anyone who says, "I only had two or three beers" is going to blow over .15

You believe office meetings are always called at the end of YOUR shift.

You can do a high speed pursuit, in heavy traffic, without spilling your coffee.

[DMZ-LT]

No wonder Bob wraps those hamsters in duck tape. He could lose a hand if not careful. ( Sorry Larry just kidding around )

[39mto39g]

You might be a cop if your vest can stop a 9mm but your face can't.
You might be a cop if when your wife is standing at the door when your leaving for work and she JUST looks at you, no words.

You might be a cop if when you show up at work some guys have electrical tape on there badge.

You might be a cop if you need help and the only one there is a Fireman

You might be a cop, if at the annual awards banquet you are awarded 3 plaques for saving a citizens life.

And your wife just looks at you, No words.

Ron

[b3196]

Good one Steve, but you failed to mention donuts as the other food group.
Ah ha....The true meaning of Hamster (Duct) tape slowly emerges from the bowls of psyco mtn, and by our non other than the sickest of the sickest.....Larry, John was not kidding around, its a standard practice up there
bOOger

[revwardoc]

Andy would've loved this thread.

[82Rigger]

Rev,

Great minds think alike!

I was thinking of Andy when I posted it.

[DMZ-LT]

One of Andys and Franks favorite author was Hunter Thompson , who died a year or so and his ashes were shot out of a cannon. To honor Andy and Frank we are going to shoot a hampster wrapped in duck tape out of our cannon on the mountain. Hope to see you there Steve

[82Rigger]

John,

I might come up there just to see that!

Don't let the SPCA see this!

[SEATJERKER]

...

...they use plenty of fodder when launching the streamlined furry projectile,...

...it's the ramming of it that makes it squeel,...

...little bugger sure does put up a fight,...

...but then again, so do the midgets,...

...

[revwardoc]

Make sure you put a little helmet on the critter. You don't want to hurt him now, do you?