Humor -- Writing books

Speaking of writing books.....


Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well here's
a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person next to them.
One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The
partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the
story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on, back
and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to
keepthe story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything
you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both
agree a conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned
in by two of my English students: Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary -
last name deleted.


************************************************** **********************

STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him
too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with who he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,"
he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's
cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat
and across the cockpit.

----------------------------------------------------------

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to
distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful
things around her.> "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a
woman?" she pondered wistfully.

---------------------------------------------------------

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through congress had left Earth a
defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty,
the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower
to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and
85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on
theconference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!
Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

----------------------------------------------------------

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

----------------------------------------------------------

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomile
tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F * CKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such
air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills & Boon novels."



LECTURER'S COMMENTS:
A+ - I really liked this one.

"Dai Uy" wrote in message
news:63323b03.0310281233.5a4f0e13@posting.google.c om...
> Speaking of writing books.....
>
>
> Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well here's
> a prime example offered by an English professor at an American
University.
>
> "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
> process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person next to them.
> One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The
> partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to
the
> story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on, back
> and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order
to
> keepthe story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and
anything
> you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when
both
> agree a conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned
> in by two of my English students: Rebecca - last name deleted, and
Gary -
> last name deleted.
>
>
> ************************************************** **********************
>
> STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)
>
> At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
> chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
> reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
> liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
> off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him
> too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
> question.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------
>
> Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now
> in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
> neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with who he had
> spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,"
> he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established.
No
> sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish
> particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his
ship's
> cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat
> and across the cockpit.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one
> last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
> ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
> hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
Law
> Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her
newspaper
> one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She
stared
> out the window, dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed
> unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to
> distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful
> things around her.> "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a
> woman?" she pondered wistfully.
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------
>
> Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
> of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first
of
> its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
the
> Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through congress had left Earth a
> defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
> destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the
treaty,
> the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower
> to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
> initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
> atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
> headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
> inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and
> 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on
> theconference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!
> Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
> writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
> writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomile
> tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F * CKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such
> air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills & Boon novels."
>
>
>
> LECTURER'S COMMENTS:
> A+ - I really liked this one.



hehehehe.....this is excellent! We should try something like this on AWV!!
Jonesy...you're up first.

Sandy