My first visit was in 1982 to see Pete and Richie. Pete was Air Force KIA at Can Tho, Richie was Army Signal KIA at Dak To. When Richie was killed, I was doing the QL19 run from Phu Tai to Pleiku. No one told me about Richie until I got home. Pete was killed during TET II a year after I got home. I had to go and say good bye, but strangely I was emotionless. I read about 'survivor guilt' and knew I had to talk with Lee and Ed, and Helen and Fred. They told me it was OK and I felt better. The next time I went back, I was still void of feeling but I was able to talk to Pete and tell him I talked with his mom and dad and that I missed those apple pies she let cool on her kitchen window sill and how you and I 'helped ourselves' while we played in your backyard. I went over to Richie and said I was sorry this was so awkward for me. I told him Karen died and that I think she still loved you Richie. I said to him it was very hard to bury my sister so young. I left tearless saying I would be back. I will someday and hopefully this ache will go away.
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