Can I get an AMEN???
WOULDN'T ITBE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY ffice:smarttags" prefix="st1">U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
Thismorning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forcesfrom Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to beginthe reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other listcontains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately andindefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problemswe still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all yourfriends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country toterrorize? Try France, or maybe China..
I am ordering theimmediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonchance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of NewYork City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatevertreaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaidtickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes,Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in theworld. I love New York
A special note to our neighbors. Canada ison List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. Iwill have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing somethingwith your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway.Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs fordecades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity ofjust about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time toeliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a finalthought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on List 2, a finalthought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
God bless America. Thank you and goodnight.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading itin English, thank a soldier.